A Day In The Life Of Joe Republican

Joe gets up at 6:00am and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water=quality standards. With his first swallow of coffee, Joe takes his daily medications; they are safe to take because some stupid liberal fought to insure their safety, and see that they worked as advertised. All but ten dollars of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought to get their employers to pay for a decent plan for medical insurance, and now Joe gets it too.

Joe next prepares his morning breakfast of bacon and eggs. The bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought hard for laws to regulate the meatpacking industry. Joe gets dressed, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for laws to cut down the amount of pollution corporate industries throw into the sky every day.

Joe walks to the subway station for his government-subsidized commute to work, saving him considerable expense in parking and transportation costs; this is possible because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation. Joe begins his workday : a good job with good pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy union members fought, and even died, for these working standards. In fact, if Joe is hurt on the job or is laid off, he'll get worker's compensation or an unemployment check because some asshole liberal didn't think he should lose his house because of some temporary misfortune.

It's noontime. Joe makes a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. His deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect this ordinary Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe comes home from work. That evening he drives his car to the family farm house. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal demanded car safety standards. That old farm homestead was financed by Farmer's Home Administration (FHA) because bankers didn't want o run the risk of making rural loans. The house didn't even have electricity until some big-government liberal (Franklin Delano Roosevelt) stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded electricity for rural areas.

Joe is happy to visit his retired father at the farm house. His father lives on Social Security (FDR, again) and a union pension because some goofy liberal made sure Joe's father could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. After his visit, Joe gets back in his car and turns on a radio talk show. The radio talk host keeps reminding the audience that liberals are evil, misguided and don't really care about the country, while conservatives are good, patriotic Americans. He fails to mention, though, that his beloved Republicans fought mightily against almost every protection and benefit Joe currently enjoys every day of his life.

Joe obviously agrees with the radio talk show host. He says to himself: "We don't want some big-government liberals ruining our lives and asking for our taxes. After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves : just like I have!"

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